Saturday, June 17, 2006

Dark Side of Kuwait Part II - Invisible Scars

After writing my first non-fiction work titled, “Dark Side of Kuwait Part 1”, I frankly was surprised at the overwhelming number of positive responses from the readers. Thanks to them, I was encouraged to commit myself even deeper into my writing and provide the second part of this series.

I apologize for the delay in publishing part two, but this delay has been caused by several factors. One major factor was this is a real interview, given by a person as real as you and I.

The day I published part one online, I got an email from someone who has had the same experience as those girls I’ve written about. I honestly got excited and emailed a request for an interview, she immediately agreed with no hesitation. At first, I admit that I got a bit skeptical of her story, but she has proved to me that her story, in fact was real. After a long preliminary talk with her, she proved to be a strong intelligent young girl, with a lot of self-confidence. In the course of our lives, incidents happen that either will make us or break us. It seems to me that this girl’s incident has actually made her what she is now, a tough young woman.

I would like to thank her for a chance to provide to the readers and maybe, I hope the world, to know what really goes on behind the scenes. She has personally requested that everyone knows her story and I hope more will step forward and let their voices be heard.

‘I think it’ll [justice] be done one way or another…it’s being done I believe.’ – “Fajer”

Start time: 3:53:09 PM; End Time: 5:06:39 PM

How old were you when it all started?

Fajer: Five or six.

5-6 years old? What happened in the beginning? Do you remember?

Fajer: Mom and dad got divorced in 1992, dad was busy and I lived with grandmother. I was in the bath. My uncle (aunt’s husband) used to visit, because granny’s old and all and he used to bring stuff from the Co-op and all that.
I’m in the bath, he gets in, pees in the toilet…I guess…and he opens the [shower] curtain on me. Says hi, goes outside for a while and comes back again.

How old was he?

Fajer: Thirties, early thirties I believe.

Ok, go on?

Fajer: He starts ‘giving me a bath’ and then there’s no soap bar, just him touching me.

Who put you in the bath in the first place?

Fajer: My grandmother filled the tub for me and left me there, door open, she sat in the living room for an hour or so till I’ve had fun. I used to pretend that the tub is the ocean, took my toys there too.

So he started touching you without the soap bar?

Fajer: Yes.

What did you think at that time?

Fajer: I don’t know I loved him more than my own father. I saw him more than I saw my father. The idea of him hurting me didn’t exist in my head. I think I knew what he was doing was wrong. Yet I was trying to convince myself that it’s not, that uncle B. is the nice uncle who always brought me stuff.

Ok, what else did he do at that time?

Fajer: Just that. Touched me. My back and behind and between my legs.

So he used to do that on a regular basis?

Fajer: Yes. He started to visit more than once a week. And he started to tell me when to have a bath. Like, he said not to take a bath unless he’s here so that he can ‘give me a bath’. Of course, it wasn’t what happened. Sometimes granny would tell me that I smelled like a goat, and I’d take a bath.

Did he ever masturbate while he does that to you?

Fajer: Yes, almost always.

Oh, so you used to watch him masturbate while he touched you?

Fajer: A couple of times. Sometimes he’d just touch me for a while, shut the curtain and leave. But he touched himself too.

How long did those ‘baths go on? And did he go any further than just touching?

Fajer: For quite awhile, about a year or so.

Fajer: But he touched himself too, sometimes he kissed me. Like, on my lips. Used to make me sit on his lap too, a couple of times.

You never mentioned it to anyone or no one had a clue?

Fajer: No, no one.

What did he tell the family then when he goes in to give you a ‘bath’?

Fajer: There was no family. Only granny, the housemaid and I...Large house with just the three of us.

Ok so it went on for a year or so, what happened then?

Fajer: My aunt and my grandmother had a fight. He stopped coming. Big fight.

So he was absent for how long?

Fajer: Years. Five at least.

So you were 10-11 years old when you saw him again?

Fajer: I saw him during the five years. But it was during family gatherings.

Ah, ok so nothing wrong happened.

Fajer: Except for my desire to speak to him again, nothing.

Ok, let’s jump forward until the next incident. What happened and when?

Fajer: When I was 11, his two daughters joined my school. I started seeing them everyday. Being cousins and all, we became friends. Granny let me visit them sometimes, although the visits were scarce. But she knew it’s hard for a kid to have no other kids around her. Although, she wasn’t on good terms with auntie, but she let me go.
It was one of his daughter’s birthdays, A’s 13th. My other aunt picked me up and took me there together with her kids.

How old were you on that birthday?

Fajer: 13 too


Fajer: At 12 something he told me that granny called and I should go home. He told me to sleep over. I said I couldn’t. He said he’d talk to granny. He did. She said no. So he said ok I’ll bring her.

What time was that? Midnight?

Fajer: Yes, everybody was gone, almost. Except for me and a few of their close friends. But I was like, a close one, being a cousin and classmate to A.
In his car we went, he asked me, “Do you tattle-tale?” I said, “Sometimes if someone upset me.”

Hold on, you went alone with him?

Fajer: Yes. Then he touched my hair and played with it, puts his hand on my shoulder and rubs it. I would have died to have dad pat my head and play with my hair, but he was busy. Uncle comes and does that, and does more.

While driving or he stopped somewhere?

Fajer: While driving at first. Then he drives the car somewhere dark between buildings and tells me to get in the back.

And you still had no idea?

Fajer: I did, but when you’re 13 and you never get fatherly attention. Your kind uncle asks you to bark, you bark.

So you knew that something is going to go wrong, but did what he asked you to do without complaints?

Fajer: I told him that I want to go home. He said he’d take me home soon. I told him that I’m scared. He said I shouldn’t and he hugged me. So I just shut up.

Did you cry?

Fajer: Yes, when he hugged me I did.

Ok, then what happened while you two were hugging?

Fajer: He kissed my face and he got a handbag from the back. Took out a towel and put it on the seat. Took off my pants and lifted my blouse. Unhooked the bra that I didn’t really need back then. And started to kiss.

You didn’t resist at all?

Fajer: I tried to push him away with my hand; he kissed it and then pinned it down and caressed it with his. He told me that he loves me. “Where were you?” he asked, “You grew up.”

So he completely undressed you in the backseat of his car.

Fajer: Not completely…well yeah. I still had my blouse on but it was raised. Lifted…like my chest was exposed to him.

I see, and he was still dressed?

Fajer: He lifted his dishdasha and took off the [under] pants he wore. He rubbed against me, made me sleep on my stomach and rubbed himself against my behind. He almost rubbed himself everywhere. My face, eyes, and nose.

How did you feel while he did that?

Fajer: Paralyzed. I cried, I told him I don’t want to go to granny’s house because she’s sick. And I want to live with dad and his new wife. He told me to hush. “Don’t cry.” He said he’s here and granny will be fine. I told him I want to go home and sleep, he said just a little more.
He started to push himself in me slowly. Then he used his finger. He couldn’t go, then he parted my legs like high and he pushed in. I kicked. It hurt. I don’t know if I was shaking of pain or if it was the sobbing or fear.
He wiped me clean with tissues.

Do you remember how long that lasted and how many times that night?

Fajer: He took his time.

Then what happened?

Fajer: He called me his bitch.

Was he angry when he said that?

Fajer: He wasn’t angry, he said it playfully. He bought me a box of gum, told me, “This thing won’t ever happen again, I promise. If you need anything you come and ask me. And don’t bother your grandmother, take good care of her.”
And he started to ask me about my grades at school, and then he took me home. He came down with me, he’s just smart. He went inside with me so that he’d talk to granny as I escaped to the bathroom, to shower and sleep.

Nothing ever happened again?

Fajer: I saw him again and he acted indifferent.

How did you feel when you saw him again?

Fajer: It was Eid; I didn’t want to see him again.

So why do you think he raped you?

Fajer: I don’t know.

Ok, let’s jump to now. You’re 19 years old now, right?

Fajer: Right.

Thinking back on what happened, and while you told me this story, how do you feel about it?

Fajer: It sickens me to an extent, to be sure. I surely cry when I remember how stupidly I trusted him. And how it wouldn’t have happened if I had a better family…I guess. Yet I think I wouldn’t be me without it. Perhaps if it didn’t happen to me I would be a different someone. And perhaps I wouldn’t like being that someone. Perhaps I’d be a dope whose main interest is…watching Star Academy and chasing hunks.

Ok one last question and we’ll end this.

Fajer: Ok.

What if for reasons unknown, after I gather the necessary information on you and your family. I print this interview out, and send it anonymously to your uncle. How do you think he’d react? And how would YOU react?

Fajer: He’d be angry and scared. I know he remembers this, I know not a day goes by without him remembering this. Because I know I remember him every day.
I forgive him. I did over a year ago when I was seeing my therapist. I’d actually like him to be scared. Yet I wouldn’t like my father to know, although sometimes I do.

So you don’t want justice to be done?

Fajer: I think it’ll be done one way or another…it’s being done I believe. He and aunt got divorced years ago…he has nothing.


LaiaLy_q8 said...

i really can't think of anything to say bss Allah e3een el bint :/

ananyah said...

I was crying while reading this.

Fajer, you are so strong to go thru all this and not talk to anyone about it. When I was 14, I was raped and I could never tell anyone because I was ashamed, I didn't tell anyone until 2 yrs later and it still hurts to this day. Sometimes I wish revenge on those that did it to me, but in the end, I know that revenge happens naturally and it will come back and bite them (I believe in Karma!)

I want to congratulate you on your courage to be interviewed and I really hope that you can be happy in your life enshallah

And as you said, justice is already being done

Swair. said...

i think she's the bravest girl i'll ever know (other than meesho :*).. i wanna congratulate her too, she's amazing, and i somehow know her life is going to be so much better now (other than the fact that being strong is going to get her through life) that she's had the chance to tell her story and get it off her chest, and i'm guessing she feels really good about helping other girls who might have been through this or are going through this now..

Your Battlefield said...

tears in my eyes, lost without words, speechless, so sad yet so realistic it is is full of hurt, deception, predator and prey and some human beings just have no do such things to others..all i can say is may god be with us all....and may we be with god...cause in the end is our only saviour...that girl is such a brave, strong and beautiful woman...may her life never be in that way again..may she smile from all this "bitterness"...she is courageous and i know she;ll be someone in this real world...someone special and remarkable :)

SpiKeY said...

could i swear??? seriously???? i see sum children 10 - 15 year kuwait...showing of their bodies and i say where is the innocence of the can sum1 ever think of a chid like that....esp when its from his family...i dont call them sick..but messed up..

i think because kuwait is closed...people get out their hormones with anyone...and thats just sick..

alla ye3eenech fajer...ur brave...i hope kuwaities start to understand wht goes on behind closed doors...coz its still kuwait.....

Marzouq said...

allah e3eenich ya fajer.. I just dont know what to say exactly other that I am pissed! How come there are so many sickos out there! I want to bash his head in, abee akaserla thahra hel 7ayawaaan!! This is a problem I have seen in our society! There are people like this who take advantage of children! No matter if they know its wrong they are still CHILDREN!

Fajer you have grown to be a strong woman o inshalla only good things will happen for you. Bes sij 7arnee.

Because no law is being implemented in Kuwait or nobody is being persecuted for their actions then people get away with these things..

Anonymous said...

it takes a lot of guts and courage to come forward with this

A7med said...

i hope things goes well for everyone and all, esp for fajir for steping forward and say all this

one seriouse question though:
all who read the blog and the posts about this, did they do anything to help this case out? did they stopped or lowered the rape-rate in kuwait? did they went to the police or the authorities or whatever and asking for justice?

the answer is no

in fact, as sad as it is, all we did is read and feel sorry and wished that we were there to help when it happened, wake up people! we cant go back in time and change it, but we cane move on and make things for the best for those girls and women out there.

so unless you ahve some kind of super plan to deal with this, i suggest that you should get start with it ASAP

*we all wish for justice, but justice wont come to us*


Anonymous said...

im totally speachless, i never heard of anything like that before all i know is that justice will b served one way or another and i'll b praing for this girl and all others like her "May ALLAH fill them with strength to make them get over this horrible experience"

Mystique said...

That is terribly sad, perfectly written..
I wonder how girls can be so innocent and naive to that extent...

Jacqui said...

It's funny how I was the first to read this, and I thought I left a comment but apparently I didn't.

I was moved by the way you wrote this post and I was moved by what happened to Fajer but sadly enough I think that this isn't the first or last story out there. I know that hundreds if not more young girls are molested, not only in Kuwait but in many different gulf regions, whether its by their parents or relatives I know it happens. But no one speaks of it therefore nothing is done to fix the problem. These sickos need to be locked up or something done with them, but until this problem is widely noticed nothing will be done.

So in the end great post, and it was a courageous thing that Fajer did in speaking out.

Negatively Charged said...

hmm .. Mini-r .. el shar3 7allalik 4 women .. why dont you marry all rape victims oo taster 3alaihom instead of writting about them? :D

Anonymous said...

well what can i say ppl... sometimes life is not fair.. but to tell u the truth most girls lie about being raped they just want to be famous... so u can never know the truth. when i a girl has nothing to do in her life she just starts to make up stories... its human nature... and i know mini R has a soft spot for girls that are messed up in the head.. also isnt talking to a girl of 19 or 20 when ur twice her age some kind of verbal rape or something like that..

Dandoon said...

Allah i3eenich ya Fajer.

Anonymous - "most girls lie about being raped"? I sincerely hope you don't actually believe that.

Anonymous said...

thanks everyone :)

neg: will you be the witness to all 4 marriages? ;)

wizard: it wasn't too long ago that if us kids ended up in the makhfar..they actually encourage our parents to beat the hell out of us in front of them.

i remember stories of men beating their wives in public..while cops just look away & do nothing about it.

Weird country.

Anon: I'm sure you'd know a lot about consensual rape. Why don't you share your experiences with us? :)

Jewaira said...

Sickening. I just feel sick when I read something like this.
And why would anyone make up such a sick story? Of course these things happen. And of course there are girls (and boys) who do not know any better, or simply do not know how to respond to abuse especially from someone they love and trust.

Such abuse has nothing to do with our closed environment or whatever local reasons one gives; sexual abuse happens everywhere and in all levels of society. There are just some very sick people out there.

Creating awareness and empowering children with information on how to recognize abuse and what to do about it is very important - before it actually happens.

Thank you for sharing this very painful story

Anonymous said...

it happens.. *sigh* so lucky fajer to find someone to tell.. i cried while i was reading.. and here im.. in bed.. trying to sleep but i couldnt..