Monday, May 08, 2006

The Dark Side of Kuwait: Part 1

Scenario #1: A girl named 'Laila', freshly graduated. She goes on a Wednesday night party thrown by her graduating class at one of the girls' chalet. So many girls with friends, family and relatives. Some of their brothers are in the other chalet right next door, just to make sure nothing goes wrong. Security.

Tired of dancing to almost every single song, 'Laila' goes upstairs finally to one of the rooms. Changing into her pyjamas, she drowses off into a fitful sleep.

Hands roughly yank her off the bed, tearing her clothes off. She was unable to scream due to the sheer terror.

That night, Laila was raped by one of her friend's brother, repeatedly. Threatened, she promised him she will never tell anyone about it, or he will ruin her and her family for life.

2 years later, in London waiting for her father to arrive from Kuwait. She's staying with her uncle, aunt & cousin...vacationing.

Again, she was raped 7 times by her uncle.

Who can she turn to?

Scenario #2: 'May' doesn't really remember her biological father. He was killed during the 1990 invasion when she was only a year or so old. Her mom married such a nice man, she calls him "Baba".
At 15, her nice "Baba" was angry at her because of an exam grade. In the heat of the moment, he suddenly attacked her. Raped her twice.

She never told anyone. Not even her own mother.


Scenario #3:
'Rawan' lives a full life. Her daddy is rich, influential and the best in the world. He's well-loved in public, his employees adore him. He showers his only daughter with lavish gifts. Bought her the car of her dreams; she's smart, stylish and well-loved.


At home, in one of his 'moods' the old man calls for her. He fondles her, he touches her and tells her how much he loves her, his princess. If she even thinks of flinching, he would beat her senseless then rape her. For as long as she can remember, he's always done this to her.



She's in her mid-20's and still unmarried, scared and scarred for life.



The above scenarios are based on true stories, 3 of thousands incidents we have here in Kuwait. Rape and incest are very common occurences worldwide. But in this country,
it's more common in the well-off families as well as the average families.


Why don't we hear of these stories? Because they're scared. They don't want to ruin the family's "reputation". They don't want people to label them as "whores". Which in fact a lot in Kuwait would think that way. A girl who isn't a virgin, is a whore in the eyes of the society. No matter what happened to her or even if it was God's will.



People would never believe a man would rape his own daughter, or this boy would rape that girl because he's "metrabi oo weld nas" (educated & well known). Or even the fact a man would rape his nephew.

Hundreds, maybe thousands of girls in this country desperately need help. But they can't turn to anyone because they are scared. "I can't tell mom! She would die!" or "I can't tell anyone! What would people think then! Fothee7a!!" There are some who would actually make excuses for the actions of their rapists.
Not only girls are raped, but also boys. For in this country, we have closet gays by the hundreds. Or if you want, call them bisexuals.


Incest is a one-way ticket to hell.



(
I have a much longer version of this article offline, I had to edit it for the blog. I removed some details & changed a few things. But the stories I provided are actual stories.)


End Part One. To be continued...

37 comments:

The Stallion said...

I've heard of such stories occuring in Kuwait and it upsets me how our society's way of thinking is! Reputation is a good think to consider but in situations such as these the reputation factor should be thrown out of the window and charges should be brought up! People need to know this kind of information to envoke some sort of awareness!

DiiGMaa said...

When I first moved back to Kuwait I asked about volunteering at a local women shelters, those that provide help and support for women and/or families that are facing life disturbing events… Women, and people in general, who are VICTIMS of domestic disturbances, Rape, violence, and all other traumatizing abusive events. I was shocked to find out that there aren’t any… or at least that is what I was told… I know it may be a Taboo in this culture but it has to be changed ! what was even more disturbing is that when I asked a few personal acquaintances who are already in the help and awareness industry to help out bring awareness they literally stated “who’s gonna come to you DiiGMaa ? “
I hope soon this mentality will change, just like ppl are to a certain degree more open to Psychiatry and psychology today.. I believe Inshallah one day this will change too..
Fingers crossed…
And it’s good to know there are ppl out there that care !!

Jewaira said...

Even though we hear stories like this from time to time, I for one can never "get used"to it. I get a horrible physical reaction. What a terrible, terrible burden for the victim, girl or boy, to carry and to have no one to turn to is even worse.

I am glad that you brought it up. We must bring the issue of incest and rape into the open; and most of all, there should be an acknowledgement of its existence and help offered to those who are abused.

Thank you for this very important post

Shopaholic Q8eya said...

This is nothing compared to the real stat. Not just little girls, talk about older women being raped by brothers, co-workers and even husbands.

Swair. said...

Very touching post...

Jacqui said...

Another reason these girls would keep this to themselves would be the fact that some might thing it wasn't rape but instead a mutual thing.

It's sad, very sad the state of life we are leading in Kuwait. The double-lives and the fact that every taboo thing is hush hush when in fact people should be educated about these things.

Mini Я. said...

Stallion: "but in situations such as these the reputation factor should be thrown out of the window and charges should be brought up" You're right, but try to convince the victims. I've tried to help, but no use.

diigmaa: Good of you to be one of the few that actually care. Unfortunately, people think that it's the families' affairs & no one has the right to interfere. Which is true in almost ALL cases.

jewaira: Someone has to do it, and I have no qualms whatsoever of digging up the worms in the dirt. Believe me, if I only list the NAMES of those named in SOME of the rape/incest incidents. This country will be rocked in shock & despair. Oh and of course, there would be some who would put a killing contract on me ;)

Shopa: Keep reading the next one. :)

Swair: There's more to come :)

Jacqui: That's SO true, in one interview. She thought that's what all guys do to women (will be posted in Part 2). Which truly saddened me & proved to me the lack of education/awareness in this country.

Dandoon said...

Stories like this really break my heart. Victims often prefer to remain silent because they feel ashamed of what happened and they think that it's their fault. Our society won't even acknowledge that stuff like that happens here! So I don't really blame those women for not speaking out.

I was sexually harassed when I was 12 by an Egyptian guy who worked in a shop near a certain cinema that we went to every week. He would touch me in inappropraite places when I went there and even though I knew what he was doing was wrong, I didn't know why it was wrong. I didn't know what sexual harassment was. I didn't scream or anything because no one was there and I felt scared. I also thought that it was my fault. It took me years to realize I didn't do anything wrong. To this day, my family don't know about what happened. I don't think I'll ever tell them. I only started talking about this to my close friends a few months ago. Compared to rape, sexual harassment is nothing. I can't even begin to imagine how my life would've been affected if I, God forbid, got raped.

Mini R, I agree with you, I do think it's because of a lack of awareness and education.

cheesegoddess said...

so sad to hear that this is happening in kuwait and what is more sad that everyone tries to hide it and denies that this sort of problems really exists , it's time to look for the root of the problem and not just discussing it in a tv show without finidng a solution cause there are thousands of girls who are being tortured cause they can't talk and the thing about them living a double life and worried all the time cause of the fear of no one would find out what happend to them , it kills.
i think there should be a law wich allows children to rport all sorts of abuse this will help alot .

Negatively Charged said...

Sad stories .. but I dont think Kuwait would beat the record of more well educated & "democratic" societies such as the states and europe.

But when I remember the story malat college of medicine bel jabriya .. I feel that ba3ath'hom eyyeeboon 7ag nafs'hom hal sowalif.

as for case #1 .. Go party at a chalet? like what 60km away from home? WHY? somebody give me a good reason please.

If it was my daughter..wife..whoever .. i can leave the house and let them party for a whole week .. wats the prob?

jombeza.!

In the other hand .. there ARE poor girls.

bas el jombeza zayda hal ayam .. so hal sowalef etzeed :)

*MY OWN OPINION*

ZinZinQ8 said...

My heart sunk while reading these stories. I dont know what to do. I feel like we're supposed to do something. Madri... Just the day before yesterday I was watching a show about rape victims. I think most of us wouldnt know how to react if God forbid this ever happens. But there are ways to protect ourselves from further damage after the incident.

Mini Я. said...

dandoon: you got away lucky, you see that's the major problem. you girls put them blame on yourselves when you shouldn't.

cheese: did you know that, if you were being bad & your dad can't control you. he has the right to take you to the police station & have them beat the hell out of you?

chargen: true ena a lot of girls bring this on to themselves. bas the majority of the rape victims are raped by their own families. uncles, fathers & brothers. it's those i'm concentrating on. as for case #1, the 1st time she was raped it was by some stranger. the 2nd time it was by 3amha, how can someone explain that sort of sick shit?

zinzinq8: There are so many ways to protect themselves. But how can you go telling mom, "Mom, I was raped by your brother."
Or, "Grandfather touched me in sensitive places this morning."

Why can't they tell anyone that? Why not the police?

SpiKeY said...

its the lack of education
its the filthiness of being rich/important/known
its the overload of hormones
its the absense of islam

you wanna talk about reputation?? am sorry but thats kuwaits biggest problem... many of those people who say "MY REP" are the worst...they do stuff behind the people who think they are the good ones...

rape is done because people here are in a closed enviorment...they keep it inside...until it bursts...

its bad only coz the teenagers there think of yeah am drinking ...am smokin up...do u think those guys even care about their sisters/mothers ????

i was sitting in the gahwa one day..overheard a bunch of guys...they were talkin about how each guy slept with the other guys sister...is that what friends are??? sell your family for them
???

you really made me sad reading those stories...allah yakfeena el shar....

Sty said...

Ok I am totally against this and hope the people who even think of something like this burn in hell for the rest of their stupid, meaningless and messed up life.

But, can't you see that its not only society, I mean certain people need help, they need to be locked away for even having the idea of saying, "well my sister is hot and i'm horny." What the hell is wrong with people how can you even think that way of your own flesh and blood.

Society here takes certain things as "OK", have you heard alll the guys in Highschool who "do" the other guys in the bathrooms, everyone thinks thats macho, masterbation is considered normal by everyone. Isn't that kinda I don't know..weird?

It's a closed society, people need to open up to certain levels. Ok in Kuwait reputation is important, but haven't you noticed that some people try and find anything just to bring someone down. Think of that girl going to a psychiatrist and telling him, I'm willing to bet that 2minutes after she leaves his office he's gonna call his friends and tell them. Who knows maybe he has the sick notion of saying.."Well she ain't a virgin, might as well go for her so I don't get caught with anything".

Anyways, Its messed up here seriously, things have to be changed and ideals need to be looked at from different views.

Mini- its not the dark side, I think its everyday life.

oo asif itha some things I said were wrong bas..u know..

Negatively Charged said...

sty: masturbation? LOL ok..

LaiaLy_q8 said...

very brave post i must say

layal said...

IT'S HARD TO HERE THOUSE KIND OF STORYS
I GUESS THIS ARTICLE BUTTER TO BE IN ARABIC
WE HAVE A VERY GOOD REPUTATION IN WEST & WORLD :-) SO DO NOT MAKE IT WORSE

Mini Я. said...

Spikey: Thanks & welcome to the blog :)

Sty: We can't sit on our asses & just talk about it. Actions speak louder than words.

Laialy: im glad you approved, ma'am ;)

layal: those 'stories' are TRUE. I need someone to write in arabic with me in this blog.
WHAT reputation? See? That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about! Khayfeen 3ala sem3atkum bas mo khayfeen 3ala mostaqbal banatna..raped oo thrown away like trash...rathya 3ala hal wath3?

Anonymous said...

i dunno what to say im really speechless.i hope that these poor girls will be able to get over their pains and move on.and i think that they shouldve kept that a secret they were supposed to go to the police no matter how fucked up that situation is.

Anonymous said...

What your country and other closed societies in the Middle East need are lesser restrictions on people. When you clamp peoples minds and restrict freedom, rape, incest, abuse go unreported. Yours cannot be called an Islamic society when women do not have freedom to be with your own fathers/brothers/male relatives. You must take this issue out into the open because that way, women can be helped and perpetrators can be nailed. And all those criminals must be raped, tortured and then put to death publicly. You need to have an emergency call line just for the victims. Its time for the men of your country to look up to women/little kids and respect them and not treat them as objects of sexual gratification.

Extinct Dodo said...

you ought to stop watching so much oprah/dr phil.. besides, i hate it when women do things like have sex only to regret it later, and to top it off, they think they can get rid of that guilt by blaming the poor guy ugh ugh ugh some girls make me want to vomit

Darkholiday said...

I hate to be the one who suspects things. I can not help but wonder if these stories are true and the victims did not tell any one for the reasons you have mentioned if that was true then how did you know about it?
I assume that these stories did not occur in one family but in various families. are you telling us that you earned the trust of all these troubled girls? and that your luck led you to be acquainted with girls whom were rape victims?
i doubt that but i might be wrong. there are many loop holes which anyone can wonder about in these stories.
There is a dark side to every country but come on, you make it sound like this happens very often which is highly unlikely.
No offense intended

Negatively Charged said...

anonymous #2 :

What about your "OPEN" society?
please post some stats about crimes including rape and child abuse in whichever country you live in..I would like to know what's the meaning of OPEN & CLOSED society in your point of view.

thanks !

Anonymous said...

bas chub shal kharabeeet akhaf bas kil bayt kuwaiti fe rape laish matshawheeen sum3atna akthar...madri ga3deeen ib chicago 3shan ..tgoool rape and incest is common sij shut up.,... if u have statistics t7achi bas 3shn sam3a 2 3 stories yaya titfalsefain...

A7med said...

rape is a common problem, in everywhere in fact not just in our beloved kuwait (aka back door to hell) but theres alots of facts not just one,

1- we are a kinda of a closed society
2- we are an open society
3- we immitate alot
4- we have too many bisexuals
5- we DONT KNOW the meaning of *free* (7urra/7urr bta9arufe)
6- most of this generation are rased by maid (5adam) believe it or not.

and many many other reasons why do our society hides those events from common public, and you know whats the main reason why they do it? because THEIR SHALLOW! they care about ppl's point of view more than they care for their daughters and boys, wich is in my opinion is..

pure and simply sick.

q8Sultana said...

I like anon's idea of a help hot line.
If they have one for alcoholics and drug users, they could have one for victims of abuse.
Although I bet there'd be a lot of prank calls...

Mini Я. said...

dodo: i dont watch any of those trash talk shows...i dont like oprah & i hate dr. phil too...so you don't believe such things exists in kuwait?

dark: I've known lots of people over a long period of time, in which I mean years. And it's not like I know the whole kuwaiti population. I DID mention ONLY 3 girls so far haven't i? I don't have the hard statistics, but be pretty sure that a lot of those cases are around. You're right, we can never be too sure, but there are some that are impossible not to believe.
Thanks for coming! :)

anon: "bas chub shal kharabeeet akhaf bas kil bayt kuwaiti fe rape laish matshawheeen sum3atna akthar" <-- meno gal KEL bait kuwaiti? Do you read english? And another thing, I'm a guy not a girl in case you didn't notice. You proved your ignorance, I rest my case.

Wizard: #1 & 2 kind of contradict each other don't you think?

q8sultana: yep i liked the idea too. And there won't just be prank calls, there'd be angry people like "anonymous" up there who think there's no such thing as rape/incest in Kuwait.

It's nice to live in such a perfect utopia as anonymous seems to be in.

Anonymous said...

A guy or a girl mo muhim ?? I didn't check your profile. ur idea of solving the problem of rape by assuming that a high percentage of kuwaiti Girls are raped is b.S. 3mrha il mashkil matin7al ib hal tareeqa isloobik kan mostafiz. i don't live in a perfect world and its absolutely stupid to assume that in kuwait women are not raped or sexually harrased !? bas il kuwait mo ghair ma3tqid ina il kwt yseeer feeha balawi akthahr mn ay mokan thani ! il soal shlon nimna3 hal shay gabil layseeer ?! il 3zooobiya ib kil mokan foriegn workers wa hathooola ili yt7rshoon bl banat il sghar ili la7owl lihum wala quwa ? il mishkila ina bl kwt a7na il banat ma7ad 3lmna shlon indafi3 3n nafsina wa shlon nab3id hal askhal 3ana .... wa itha laqadr allh wa sar hal shay ..shlon inta3amal m3 il mawqif. we need education .

Negatively Charged said...

anonymous said :
"we need education"

go get some.

Mini Я. said...

Anon: If my 'assumptions' are B.S. then why don't you enlighten us on this matter? a7la shay feeni eni a3arf shlon astafiz il-nas..that's the tactic to WAKE people up when they DON'T want to wake up.
Rape exists ALL over the world, I know that for a fact. But you don't believe that we have parents raping their own kids? Uncles raping their nieces? Brothers & sisters? That does happen, not just in Kuwait but WORLDWIDE.
This post is not about the world, it's about our small lovely country. I write about my country, for the world to see.
And I write about Kuwaitis. Not foreigners. Which makes the stories even more 'mostafiz' :)

A7med said...

agool mini, do you honestly believe that Almost EVERY house has a rape issue? theres a rape issue bas not that much anyway, il tell you what, you stop reading ANNE RULE's novels and stop watching RESCUE 911 and have a brake eat a mini-kit-kat or something and enjoy the show ;)

for all those who have rape issues: allh y3eenkom inshallah w if you need any SERIOUSE help you will get it either from us or from the person (inshallah) that you go to

for those who dont have rape issues:
ya baba 5aleekom min sowalif mosalsalat KTV1 fe shahar ramathan! tara mo kil shay etshofoona bil tv 9ij, after all in case you havent noticed my follow citezens and alies, we ARE IN A ISLAMIC COUNTRY, so in time, with a lil bit of work, ra7 inshalah nsheel hal 7athala illy bil shari3 w ra7 nsa3id hal masakeen

bas goolaw inshallah w baskom tedi5il bswalif 'gairkom


w il-salam w il kalam 3laikom :)

Darkholiday said...

Sorry to bother you again but still you haven't answered my question. The source of your stories are .....?? the troubled girls told you? or you heard it from some one?
I'm trying to think of this logically and it doesn't make sense cause if they didn't tell anyone how did you know about it? and if you knew about it why didn't you go to the authority? or tell them to do so? aren't you suppose to be the good influence for help? I don't think that a girl whom has been raped by her father or uncle or brother would just feel comfortable to a friend and spill her guts to him. it has to be more than friendship and if its more than friendship than she is clearly lying cause it had no effect on her.
on the other hand if you heard it from some one who knows some one who has been raped than its no longer a secret don't you think? and the percentage of this story being true is less than %10 cause you seem to know Kuwaitis hence you should know the rumors that they spread just for the fun of it. (if you need examples here is a simple one the grant when the prince came to power?)
Having said this i do not negate the fact that this happens and happened but not as you make it seem like.
Best and i hope you do not misunderstand me. I mean no offense.
Best

A7med said...

yeah mini, this is a question i forgot to ask too, whats your source man? dont tell me its the JAREEMA magazine?

Mini Я. said...

To answer your questions:

1- The sources are the victims themselves. (all WERE good friends of mine, time gradually split us up & just to let you know...2 of the 3 got married)

2- I can't go to the authorities because legally I have no right in others' business. It's up to them to tell the authorities or not.

3- I told several to do so, they refused because they are scared of the consequences from their families & society in general. For example, "Oh, there's the chick that's been gangbanged!" You know how this country is like. (There is one who I haven't written about, she's heading to the authorities...thanks to my rantings & ravings, I'll keep you updated on her.)

4- Friendship isn't just about helping (which I tried to do), it's about listening & absorbing a person's emotions in which they would feel better to have unloaded that burden off of their shoulders.

5- Friendship comes in all shapes & colors. None were in a "more than friendship" relationship with me. Don't worry about that. That's called: taking advantage of.

6- I never claimed that this has happened in EVERY Kuwaiti household as some of you may think. I just said that there are thousands of similar incidents occuring in this country and world-wide. So quit repeating yourselves like parrots on THAT point and read what I wrote carefully before pointing fingers at me.

7- Oh & Wizard, can you make more sense when you comment please? You stray off topic way too much sometimes. :/

(I never read Jareema magazine, my arabic sucks anyway..remember?)

8- No offence taken darkholiday, I always welcome a good debate & you seem to be the sort that I'd like to sit with and debate with for hours till we both blow our brains out in frustration. You shoot me, I shoot you? :P

Sexual frustration can sure be a bitch to deal with.

Darkholiday said...

Thank you for sharing the information and it is much appreciated. And may Allah/God Help those who are in need.
About the shooting shall was say the 30th of next February around 9'ish? ;P

A7med said...

still... thousands is a big number in kuwait dont you think? this coming from a guy who personaly knew THREE cases as he claimed only,
no offince but dont OVERRATE things ok? :)

thank you for sharing this wonderfull public informations, allah ysahil 7ag hal masakeen inshallah.

cheesegoddess said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.